November 2009

ARIES: You can't turn back time on Thanksgiving Day, but you can enjoy aunts, uncles and cousins instead of turkey.
TAURUS: Just when you decided to pay more attention to your health, here come the holiday feasts. But you can still eat wisely and make time for gluttony.
GEMINI: People at work could be surprised this month when you ruffle some feathers. C’mon – that’s too easy of a Thanksgiving joke, isn’t it? The duck will come down from the ceiling and give you $100 if you say the secret word.
CANCER: The stars predict Thanksgiving time will be special for you this year. "Special" comes in many forms. Such as a two-ton boulder falling on your pickup truck.
LEO: Here comes Black Friday. Not the day with the Big Sales. The movie with Bo-ris Karloff. Stay home and watch it. It’s much less bloody than the sales stampedes at the various stores on November 27.
VIRGO: Sales will be up this year, and you will be able to get all the overtime hours you want. Too bad if you don’t want any. Remember that halitosis is just another way of saying you’re sorry.
LIBRA: You will feel the insane desire to make hundreds of chocolate-chip cookies with pecans. You will mail them to me.
SCORPIO: Money's on your mind as you picture a wallet decimated by holiday shop-lifting. Pay close attention to those pick-pocket friends of yours!
SAGITTARIUS: Wait.
CAPRICORN: If you're looking for love, you could hit the jackpot in November. Be ready for a surprise with your next blind date. He’s nothing that a quick run through the local car wash can’t fix.
AQUARIUS: A person from your past will make a surprise appearance before long, and embarrass you in front of all your friends and relatives. There will be no time to find your shoes.
PISCES: While others plan to go home for the holidays, you are thinking of a cruise or a trip to a far-away place. Such as Afghani-stan. Yes, your unit will be called up. If you’re not a reservist or active military, they will come draft you. Remember that your hair looks good when it’s cut short, and that you wanted to spend the winter in a warmer climate.