ARIES: Take a walk! The stars are not asking you to leave, they really do want you to take a walk off a short pier.
TAURUS: You're the go-to person at work. “Go to get me a cup of cocoa!” “Go make a copy of this!” “Go to the parking lot and scrape the ice of my windshield!” Yep, you’re the go-to person.
GEMINI: Your financial plans are progressing. As you save, big temptations come your way. Do you really need that boat? On the other hand, you NEED M&Ms.
CANCER: Travel bargains seem to be everywhere and your urge to go is strong. Beware of that special travel package which promises a tropical vacation, unless you’re heavily into volcanos and earthquakes.
LEO: Keep in touch with people important to you, because they're great to suck up to. But don't turn your back on someone wears a “Cthulhu Lives” button.
VIRGO: You could be called this month to serve jury duty. You’ll notice the defendent, the guy with the hatchet in his hand, keeps looking directly at you and giggling. Your charm helps.
LIBRA: Whether they realize it or not, some people go a little crazy with the full moon. So if your partner, co-workers or waitresses grow hair all over their bodies, just learn to accept them as they are.
SCORPIO: You don't have to wear brass knuckles to prove you are tough. You need to wear a brass toupee.
SAGITTARIUS: This is a good time to tell yourself that you will be able to handle any surprise that comes your way. Beware of co-workers who sneak up behind you and shout “SURPRISE!”
CAPRICORN: Your good communication skills will fail when you are interviewed, and the interviewer asks you to name your greatest weakness. PLEASE do not tell him or her about your G.I. tract problems! AQUARIUS: Are you sure your way is the best way? Do you feel that you HAVE to have everything your way, listening to no one? You may have a great future as a member of Congress.
PISCES: There's someone who is in need of the best you can give right now. It’s your Aquarius friend, but they won’t listen to you.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
March 2010
Yes, I know I've been out of action during 2010 so far. I could claim illness (which is true). I could claim laziness (which is also true). But instead I shall claim that the zodiac predictions for January and February were so horrible and frightening that I couldn't bear to share them with you. Besides, they weren't funny. So here's March's entries.
ARIES: Money matters dominate. It pays to stay on your toes. Sue Congress. Unless you are not a United States citizen. Then blame the USA president of your choice.
TAURUS: Let your imagination run wild when you think of how you would improve your workplace and your job routine. Then update your resume.
GEMINI: Get grounded in reality. Stop reading horoscopes.
CANCER: A personal challenge has come your way. Remain strong in your convictions at work. At home, take a softer tone and agree with your wife or you’re doomed.
LEO: Share another person's joy when a fortunate occurrence turns up. Sometimes that can be difficult if good fortune seems to shine more on someone else, those bums.
VIRGO: You could find an air of excitement surrounding you in March and April as a rottweiler moves into your bathtub.
LIBRA: Instead of being upset when an unexpected situation occurs at work or at home, consider brain acupuncture.
SCORPIO: You've been thinking about your health situation and what you should do about it. Remember that it's almost never too late to incorporate a healthier lifestyle. Sit around and think about it for another month.
SAGITTARIUS: It's good to be dedicated to your work, but don’t get so busy that you can't get together with friends to go to a movie, play cards, or put cashews up their noses.
CAPRICORN: If your life seems too dull and full of routine, go ahead and book that cruise with Henry Jones, Jr. Trust no one with a tattoo of a rhinoscope.
AQUARIUS: A new venture or a new project could turn out to be surprisingly successful. So go ahead and get that tattoo of a rhinoscope.
PISCES: You are making inroads in an area formerly closed to you. That could mean that your ideas will be more readily accepted. Wear your Tea Party button to a Democrat rally.
BRVITIUS: There is no zodiac sign called “Brvitius.” Why are you even reading this entry?
ARIES: Money matters dominate. It pays to stay on your toes. Sue Congress. Unless you are not a United States citizen. Then blame the USA president of your choice.
TAURUS: Let your imagination run wild when you think of how you would improve your workplace and your job routine. Then update your resume.
GEMINI: Get grounded in reality. Stop reading horoscopes.
CANCER: A personal challenge has come your way. Remain strong in your convictions at work. At home, take a softer tone and agree with your wife or you’re doomed.
LEO: Share another person's joy when a fortunate occurrence turns up. Sometimes that can be difficult if good fortune seems to shine more on someone else, those bums.
VIRGO: You could find an air of excitement surrounding you in March and April as a rottweiler moves into your bathtub.
LIBRA: Instead of being upset when an unexpected situation occurs at work or at home, consider brain acupuncture.
SCORPIO: You've been thinking about your health situation and what you should do about it. Remember that it's almost never too late to incorporate a healthier lifestyle. Sit around and think about it for another month.
SAGITTARIUS: It's good to be dedicated to your work, but don’t get so busy that you can't get together with friends to go to a movie, play cards, or put cashews up their noses.
CAPRICORN: If your life seems too dull and full of routine, go ahead and book that cruise with Henry Jones, Jr. Trust no one with a tattoo of a rhinoscope.
AQUARIUS: A new venture or a new project could turn out to be surprisingly successful. So go ahead and get that tattoo of a rhinoscope.
PISCES: You are making inroads in an area formerly closed to you. That could mean that your ideas will be more readily accepted. Wear your Tea Party button to a Democrat rally.
BRVITIUS: There is no zodiac sign called “Brvitius.” Why are you even reading this entry?
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